i..

dunno how to start.
it feels weird being so affected and being so emo now even though im not the one being affected the most.

all i can say is that if you really let nature take its course, things will just work out for its best. i dunno what i can say now to make you feel better, and what i can do to just stop everything from happening. i want to just make everything undo itself for you, but i know its not possible. i dun think you will want it either. after all, what's going to happen will happen.

and now that it has already come to this, perhaps you should just think of what you really want out of it. there's no point dragging on when you know that it will eventually be different if you guys get back together. all i can say is that, if i were you, i would be hard-hearted for once and spare everybody all the pain and emotional distress.

even though you keep insisting that its your fault, i really dun think it is. i've said it before and im going to say it again (in fact i will say it as many times as i can till it sinks in) it takes two hands to clap. you might have started the conflict but if he didnt act upon it, things wouldnt have come to this stage. i admit that i do think you were abit at fault for not confiding in him about everything, but all that you have done had his best intentions in mind, and i know that you hid the truth to minimise the hurt and paranoia.

instead of thinking what went wrong, maybe you can just think all the happiness that you have shared. nothing lasts forever, you know that as well as i do, much less teenage romances. just remember that you are only seventeen and you still have a very long way to go. and no matter how much he once meant to you, what's gone is already gone, but what's most important is the joy he brought into your life and how he has changed you, be it for the better or for the worse.

i know you will be very xing ruan when you see him but thats really very normal, considering how much you've shared. but be determined in what you want. vacillating (HAHA) will only cause more hurt to both of you, and might even cause more pain.

perhaps im not making you feel any better by blogging this, and im probably not very good at giving advice considering my lack of experience. but i want you to know that we feel your pain, that you are not totally alone in this world.

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ooh
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly, ooh
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, ohh

Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away, ooh ohh
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside, look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within

Ohh yeah, ooh, yeah ohh

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
Break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
(Be strong)
Just don't forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can't do)
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
And like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way

You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, oh yeah

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ohh