what have i done to deserve this??

hey all..

this is not xin by the way even though i just quoted from her for my title..

anyways, i'm blogging cuz pei pei and xin say that nobody touched this ever since the last entry..

actually, i dont really know what to blog about..

a lot and i really meant A LOT of stuff have been happening and i guess are still happening now..
i dont exactly know where to start cuz i'm like so confused now and so lost..

wad's more is that i actually cant think properly now cuz i was drinking with pei and xin just now..

here's a big secret anyways: never go drinking with pei pei cuz once she starts, she cant stop!!!!

haa.. so next time when we're out with her, make sure no guys buy her drink or else.. that will be the end of her le.. haa..

ok.. that was a bit lame and WAY offtrack.. i cant think properly now!!!

anyways.. i'm really very lost and confused..

i dont know where to go next.. really..

i dont know how to take my next step..

i'm feeling super stressed now.. i dont know if i can make it through the end of this year..

i thot drinking would help but it doesnt really do anything.. perhaps just numb all the confusion that i'm experiencing now? i dont know..

"i dont know" seems to be the phrase that ppl are using now to cover up what actually is on their mind..

"i'm sorry" seems to be overused by ppl now.. what's the point of saying sorry when things have alr happened..

how many ppl are actually around when i needed them? how many of my "friends" out there actually know how i'm feeling now and know what i'm going through now?
i wanna talk things out to ppl but i seem to find no one to talk to.. no one who is willing to sit there for hours and hours to listen to me rattle on and on about myself.. to cry my heart out..
i wished ppl never have to enter into a new environment.. to know new ppl.. to lose contact with others who are not in the new place with them.. to change themselves just to adapt to the new place..

i guess even though so many stuff are happening to me now.. the world will not slow down to wait for me.. ppl will be there to help me and guide me back on my path.. but if i'm not willing to pick myself from all these mess that i've created.. there's nothing much ppl out there can actually help me..

thank you to all those who have been there for me when things go really wrong in my life.. when i thought that there was no more tml.. thanks for all the encouragement.. thanks for all the sweet stuff the you all have said.. i really needed them a lot at that moment.. thanks for standing all my nonsense.. thanks for keeping quiet and just being there for me.. thanks for everything.. nothing could really expressed how i feel towards you guys.. but really thanks..
after today.. the dwindling florence for the past one month will be gone.. she would not appear for good, i hope..

i cant stand myself being like that any further so yup.. i'm really going to pick myself up from now on.. live a life that is not full of regrets!!!